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30-Second Answers to Your Kid’s Toughest Questions
Q: Dad, Why are you always looking at your phone?
A: Well, my precious child, a man named Steve decided that it would be a good idea to create a toy for adults that is so fun to play with that we can hardly resist it’s powerful grip on our weak-willed existence. This toy, though sometimes useful for talking to family and friends and for quickly looking up information when you find yourself the dunce in a room full of Einsteins, is mostly a distraction and often and ironically a hindrance to real-life interaction, thus it makes true communication—true expression of emotional vibrations between two living beings—an archaic inconvenience at best, which we hope will be phased out with the next software update.
Now, be a good boy and fetch daddy his charger.